


Jesus Kenma what do you and Hinata get up to?

by Skeleton_Thief



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Author Is Sleep Deprived, Awkward Kageyama Tobio, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Group chat, Hinata Shouyou is Not Pure, I'm Bad At Titles, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, They're all at least 18 at this point in time, chat fic, coach ukai is a dad, i refuse to let that tag die, not explicit dont worry, or coffee either works, srsly send help, ukai keishin is a dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:55:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24088480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skeleton_Thief/pseuds/Skeleton_Thief
Summary: Basically a crack gc where they take the rice purity test and everyone is shook when Hinata gets a low score. Like, really low.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Yachi Hitoka, Hinata Shouyou/Everyone, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Hinata Shouyou/Kuroo Tetsurou, Hinata Shouyou/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka, basically - Relationship, others that im too lazy too list
Comments: 34
Kudos: 1039





	Jesus Kenma what do you and Hinata get up to?

**Author's Note:**

> nicknames! because group chats are just no fun without them ;)  
> (i know im bad at coming up with nicknames leave me ALONE)
> 
> Hinata - Sunsho  
> Kenma - Kencat  
> Kuroo - Kuron  
> Suga - Suga mama  
> Daichi - Dadchi  
> Iwaizumi - Oikawa leave me alone  
> Oikawa - you owe me 2 fruit loops  
> Ushijima - pacman  
> Yachi - anxietea  
> Kiyoko - God(des)  
> Asahi - Jesus  
> Tanaka - i dont look like an egg :(  
> Nishinoya - Liberoll  
> Kageyama - The Milk Man  
> Tsukishima - tree  
> Yamaguchi - bush  
> Bokuto - #1 mentor  
> Akaashi - bls no  
> Atsumu - bring back osamu

**The girls and the gays that's it**

**2:24 am**

**bls no:** Bokuto for the love of all that is good and holy please think about what you're about to say

**#1 mentor:** but i need to know how pure my kouhai is after what i just saw :(

**Sunsho:** Bokuto-san please im so sorry don't do this rn

**Dadchi:** why are all of you messaging the group chat at 2 in the morning

**#1 mentor:** Hinata lied about being pure T-T

**Dadchi:** At this point im almost too afraid to ask

**Dadchi:** but the keyword there is almost so, what did you see that made you freak out so bad?

**Sunsho:** bokuto-san pleaseeeee dont tell him i'll do whatever u want me too

**Dadchi:** ok now I'm worried Hinata what did you do?

**bls no:** oh boy here he goes again

**#1 mentor:** I just so happened to be returning Hinata's phone, which he had left on the table _again_ mind you, and when i entered his room expecting him to be asleep i caught him doing _sinful_ things with Kenma AND Kuroo

**Sunsho:** its not my fault you just walked in on us! who even gave you a key to our dorm anyway???

**Dadchi:** wait back up did you just say Kenma _and_ Kuroo? Jesus christ Hinata

**Sunsho:** oh god this is like coach ukai all over again

**#1 mentor:** what does that even mean???? what else have you been hiding from me Shoyo???

**Sunsho:** i should really learn how to close my mouth

**Dadchi:** this isn't over. but Bokuto what exactly was it you were gonna talk about earlier?

**#1 mentor:** oh yeah i was gonna suggest we all take the rice purity test and share our scores

**bls no:** and yet you wonder why i mute you so often

**#1 mentor:** shush Keiji you know i wont make u participate if you don't want to

**#1 mentor:** however you **@Sunsho @Kencat @Kuron** all have to participate >:(

**Dadchi:** we can decide if everyone wants to do this later, like i dont know, A REASONABLE TIME THAT'S NOT 2 AM

**#1 mentor:** ok jeez now i understand ur nickname

**Dadchi: sleep**

* * *

**The girls and the gays that's it**

**12:56 pm**

**Suga mama:** I really don't want to know what things my children get up to when im not looking

**Suga mama:** that being said i know most of you are going to end up taking the test and broadcasting ur results anyway so just,,,, leave me out of it

**Liberoll:** yes mom

**Liberoll:** anyway **@everyone** who is participating and who isn't?

**Sunsho:** im being blackmailed into participating this is so unfair

**tree:** Wow you actually do know big words.

**Sunsho:** shush it Kei-kun you type like a grandma :P

**tree:** Here I was complimenting you for using the one brain cell you have and you insult me?

**Sunsho:** yes.

**you owe me 2 fruit loops:** i cant believe chibi chan just killed somebody

**I dont look like an egg :(:** press f to pay respects

**The Milk Man:** no

**Liberoll:** wow tsukishima just died again

**tree:** :|

**Sunsho:** literally a grandma

**tree:** >:|

**Suga mama:** you're kinda just proving his point Kei

**tree:** :/

**Sunsho:** alright who taught him that?

**bush:** it was me! sorry sho-chan :/

**Sunsho:** oh boy you know i can never hold a grudge with you yama kun

**bush:** :D

**#1 mentor:** confess Shoyo >:(((

**#1 mentor:** what was your score >:(((((((

**Sunsho:** I haven't even taken it yet Bokuto-san :/

**bls no:** stop bullying your kouhai Koutarou

**#1 mentor:** ur supposed to be on my side :"'(

**bls no:** nah

**Liberoll:** anyway is everyone gonna actually say if they're taking the quiz or not or are we just gonna send in scores all willy nilly?

**bring back osamu:** nothing in this groupchat ever has order why start now

**bring back osamu:** hey who changed my name??? :((

**The Milk Man:** i did

**bring back osamu:** I thought we were friends Tobio-kun

**The Milk Man:** you thought wrong

**Kencat:** why must you all spam me while im playing games on my phone for the first time in 2 months

**Sunsho:** pls save me kencat Im being blackmailed

**Kencat:** fuck is this about last night

**Sunsho:** :defeated_emoji: yeah

**Kencat:** im out sorry sho

**Sunsho:** betrayed by my own boyf

**tree:** dont u mean boyfriend

**Sunsho:** no that's what the other one's for

**i dont look like an egg :(:** other one? wait Bokuto was actually serious-

**Liberoll:** holy cow Shoyo what were you even doing?????

**Sunsho:** i dont think you really want to know

**#1 mentor:** you really don't. im scarred for life.

**Sunsho:** again, not my fault you randomly barge into the room that you _know_ i share with my partner

**#1 mentor:** yeah but Kuroo was there and i was pretty sure that you wouldn't do anything with him in the same room but i was obviously very wrong

**you owe me 2 fruit loops:** Right so anyway are we gonna take ur stupid test or not?

**#1 mentor:** yeah **@Sunsho** make sure u force ur whatever they are to take it too

**Sunsho:** :/

**#1 mentor:** nobody talk for the next 5 minutes and go take the test. I'll know if you lie.

* * *

The **girls and the gays that's it**

**1:16 pm**

**#1 mentor:** everybody has their scores yes?

**Oikawa leave me alone:** sadly, yes

**#1 mentor:** jeez be anymore salty could ya?

# **1 mentor:** anyway to keep it from getting too chaotic we're gonna do them in groups.

**#1 mentor:** everyone with an 80 or up sound off and list ur score

**bush:** 83

**anxietea:** 87

**tree:** 80

**Jesus:** 94

**Liberoll:** well that's not too surprising but Asahi, ur rlly freakin pure.

**Jesus:** ah well im generally pretty uncomfortable with anything that can't be seen as platonic

**you owe me 2 fruit loops:** that actually explains so much about you

**Jesus:**??????????

**you owe me 2 fruit loops:** dont worry about it

**#1 mentor:** im already disappointed in Sho-kun for not being in that group smh

**Sunsho:** i came here to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked rn

**#1 mentor:** alright people with 60 and above sound off

**#1 mentor:** 63

**bls no:** 61

**bring back osamu:** 67

**The Milk Man:** i could have sworn your creepy ass would have been arrested 

**bring back osamu:** who's to say i haven't been?

**Dadchi:** please tell me my son doesn't have a crush on a criminal

**bring back osamu:** wha-

**The Milk Man:** Daichi!

**Dadchi:** whoops :deadpan:

**The Milk Man:** touché

**The Milk Man:** anyway 72

**God(des):** 74

**pacman:** 64

**Liberoll:** holy crap even Ushijima-kun isn't innocent

**pacman:** i blame Shoyo

**Sunsho:** Wakatoshi-kun how dare you betray me like this :/

**pacman:** I'm simply stating facts.

**#1 mentor:** how many people have you been with???? actually wait I don't want to know

**#1 mentor:** is that everyone for this level? Hinata i have never been more upset in my life :/

**Sunsho:** :deadpan:

**#1 mentor:** alright 40 and up (this should be the last of you :eyes:)

**Liberoll:** 44

**i dont look like an egg:(:** aye same score

**Liberoll:** bro :')

**i dont look like an egg:(:** bro :')

**Oikawa leave me alone:** 59

**you owe me 2 fruit loops:** 56

**you owe me 2 fruit loops:** ha ur more innocent then me

**Oikawa leave me alone:** I don't know if that's something you should be proud of shittykawa

**you owe me 2 fruit loops:** :(

**Kencat:** 42

**Kuron:** 45

**#1 mentor: @Sunsho**???

**Sunsho:** haha still not the right level

**#1 mentor:** you have got to be kidding me

**#1 mentor:** alright out with it what's your score

**Sunsho:** 33

**tree:** holy shit Sho

**Sunsho:** i mean y'all were the ones that asked

**Dadchi:** i could have lived forever without knowing that

**anxietea:** Shoyo-kun you've been arrested????

**Sunsho:** ah no

**Sunsho:** although there was this one time where i got very close to be arrested, they put me in the back of the car and everything!

**bls no:** im scared to ask but did you actually do anything illegal?

**Sunsho:** hehe guess you'll never know

**pacman:** he did. I was there.

**Sunsho:** TOSHI-KUN!!! i thought you promised not te tell anyone :/

**Suga mama:** Shoyo what did you do?

**Sunsho:** i may or may not have vandalized public property

**The Milk Man:** oh my god is every person that ive ever had a crush on a felon?

**Sunsho:** i'd hardly count vandalism as a felony

**Sunsho:** wait did you just imply that you had a crush on me???

**Kencat:** babe,,,

**Kencat:** practically everyone has had a crush on you

**Sunsho:** no????

**Kuron:** Sunsho you're so dense sometimes. I love you, but ur really oblivious hon.

**you owe me 2 fruit loops:** wow i still cant believe Bokuto wasn't kidding

**Kuron:** what's that supposed to mean >:/

**you owe me 2 fruit loops:** chibi chan just doesn't seem like the type to have multiple partners

**Sunsho:** actually Kenma and Kuroo aren't even the only two haha...

**Jesus:** how many more are there???????

**Sunsho:** well me, Aone, and Wakatoshi-kun are in a relationship, and me, Kenma, and Kuroo are in a different relationship.

**Sunsho:** most of the time anyway, Kuroo has a crush on Aone and Kenma and Toshi-kun are being platonic partners.

**Kuron:** hey!

**Sunsho:** it's only a little bit complicated.

**God(des):** Yeah, Hinata-kun? You and your partners are the only ones who think it's not complicated.

**Sunsho:** :/

**#1 mentor:** i learned so much more than i wanted to.

**Author's Note:**

> 2:24 am is actually when i started writing this. as of writing this note im not even half way done and it's already 3:06 am. pray for me


End file.
